a u : the day that wasn't. it was.

[ You don't expect your life to shatter when there's a Yankee Candle burning apple pie in the background. The smell is still in Vanya's nose miles later, run right out of Leonard's house in sweats and socks without ever looking back. She can't. She can't even think right now, not to her feet and the blisters to come, not to call a taxi instead of looking like a crazy person pelting through town. Everything awful and lonely and heartbreaking about it aside, the only thing she can think of is the Academy. Home. She has to get home. Pain tears at her side with each breath she takes but she doesn't slow down. Doesn't loosen the death-grip she keeps on the red notebook clutched against her chest. Not until she's staggering up the familiar steps and practically falling through the door. Please, please, please let someone be home. Diego's in the foyer, Mom dainty at his side with gloves on and a parasol tucked under here arm, arguing with Klaus, sweat-slick in an army surplus vest and half-bent over for the chair tied to his back. The heated words cut short in the wake of Vanya's arrival, an expectant silence as she tries to gulp down air. She has to— There's— Patience was never Diego's strong suit and it still isn't, glaring at the interruption. Already told you once, he glowers. Get out of here. Mom frowns in disapproval, slim fingers tugging at Diego's elbow as she quietly scolds him for being so rude to his sister. Diego doesn't blink, just pats her hand gently and goes back to grilling Klaus. You guys⁠— Vanya pleads, heart pounding in her ears and she can hear it. She hears it. Diego's already said his piece, case closed, and so ignores her entirely. At least Klaus has the grace to actually turn and face her when lifting his one free hand to his lips to shush her. No, please, something's⁠— Vanya holds out the book for proof, for all the words still jumbled inside her that she can't sort out yet. Diego snatches it out of her hand just long enough to glance at Archibald's monogrammed initials before tossing it away in disgust. He doesn't even look at Vanya. A surge of anger rises within her, picks her up and carries her away and for one white-hot moment Vanya lets it. LISTEN TO ME!! The words burst out, so loud that she hardly recognizes her own voice, accompanied by a spasm of energy that ripples through the air⁠— Cracking windows, rattling the doors on their hinges, blasting Diego and Klaus right off their feet to skid on the tile to the foot of the stairs. Vanya's hands clap over her mouth as thunder rumbles directly above the academy, followed by a sudden pelting rain. For a long, long minute, it's the only sound there is as Diego and Klaus stare at their sister as if she's just grown a second head. As if she'd started speaking in tongues. As if she'd suddenly showed actual powers after almost thirty years. All righty then, Klaus finally says. You have our attention.. ]

p o s t s 1 : the house of the rising sun

[ Family meetings are nothing new. They had been a staple growing up even as Sir Reginald marked them as debriefings — a more accurate term, since it wasn't like any of them ever got a say in anything anyway. They had been quick to fall back into them since the funeral. What's new is Vanya being invited as something other than barest courtesy. As an actual member of the family instead of a bland butt in a chair that was ignored or spoken over or forgotten about three minutes into proceedings. Her brothers and sisters ask her questions, wait for the answers, seem to really listen to what she says. She should be happy to be included. Satisfied to be recognized, valued. But it's not there. She chalks it up to the house, still standing again where and when Five jumped them to safety; to the room, to the echoing muted memories of Pogo hanging from the stag's antlers, back arching in agony before going limp; to being this close to Luther even as they both refuse to look each other in the eye. Vanya rubs at her arms as the phantom pressure squeezing until she can't breathe, until she's snapped out of it by Five's voice, sharp and insistent. Everyone else is looking at her— Clearly something had been directed her way but she'd missed it in the pain still circling her chest and sending her stomach into knots. ] Sorry, I didn't... [ Shaking her head to clear it, she swallows down bile and tries to focus. ] Can you repeat that? [ There are a few glances she can see but no one presses the point. They all know what Allison's done, the only thing she could think to do in the moment, and the lasting effect it's left on Vanya's hearing. They assume it's that and speak a little louder and it helps a little bit. Doesn't make her less exhausted, doesn't stop her hands from shaking where she tucks them into her armpits. Doesn't stop her from seeing herself, young again and colder-eyed than she ever remembers being, lingering in the corners of the room and offering acidic commentary where it suits her. Vanya shakes her head again, wishing she'd gotten more sleep before this. The ringing in her ear has been incessant since she woke up after the Icarus, keeping her up no matter how tired she gets and it's making her miss things. A lot of things. The meeting seems to take years to finish but she can't remember much of anything they'd spoken about, if she was supposed to do something now or. Her palm presses against her forehead, a clammy anchor as she counts her breaths like she'd learned in therapy. It takes Allison's hand on her shoulder to get her attention back, blinking up at her sister whispering about lunch. Mom's making it. Soup and sandwiches. ] Not that hungry. [ A water-weak smile doesn't stand up too long in the face of Allison's concern but Vanya can't even imagine eating right now. Or she can— The results are just very unpleasant. So she removes herself, forcing one foot in front of the other and ignoring how her legs wobble on the way back to her room. ]